joel+emma: embarrassed mommy

Thursday, January 17, 2008

embarrassed mommy

It's been so demoralizing that i dont have much breastmilk for my baby. Sometimes, it's only 10ml. He gulps down 90ml in barely 5 mins. When i'm "lucky", i might have 80ml a day - which is not even enough for 1 feeding.

I feel embarrassed when i store my 10ml bottles in the freezer,
I feel embarrassed that the nanny has to wash and sterilize the pump so many times (for that little bit of milk),
I feel embarrassed that my in-laws ask/know i have no milk,
I feel embarrassed the nanny feeds my baby more than i do,
I feel embarrassed Elvis has to pay for baby's formula milk,
I feel embarrassed when Elvis praise "Well Done!" to that 10ml,
I even feel embarrassed that i can go out shopping coz i dont need to feed the baby,
...
...
...
I'm embarrassed!

Friends told me not to give up (pumping), and that more milk will come in. I know, i know... It's just been demoralizing so far.

2 comments:

Sharon said...: Joel don't want to latch on? It takes so much more effort to pump out, u know. You have to keep on pumping, at least 8 times a day. Say if Joel is drinking milk, if you are not feeding him directly then u should be pumping. It's a demand and supply thing. Just remember, there are good and bad days and it's tiring but you will get used to it.; Thursday, January 17, 2008
astrid said...: Ya try to latch on, jo. I think when baby is at your breast, somehow your hormone works so much better to produce more milk, cos you'll be looking at your baby, caressing him, loving him.. It's a mother-son bonding and that will make you feel emotionally attached to him. And before you know it, joel (and you) will be addicted to breastfeeding!

Anyway, all the best! whatever it is, as long as baby is getting enough milk, you're doing a great job as a mother already! ;); Friday, January 18, 2008